The Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2000

Intro: The Dawn of the new millennium has risen upon us and we are taking our first time machine trip back to the year when I first discovered a liking of music. The Music was largely unchanged from the music of 1999. Genres like Teen Pop, R&B, Hip Hop, Alt Rock, Adult Alternative, and Post Grunge rounded out the mix of what was easily accessible and frequently played on the radio. Meanwhile the start of the new millennium also showcased the powers of technology through file sharing websites such as Napster which was used by scores of teens to pirate and share various songs through downloading various songs off of the nifty little device called the World Wide Web. Millions of Teens across the USA and the Globe used Napster to pirate all of the Hip Hop, Post Grunge, Nu Metal and TRL Pop/R&B they could get their hands on, thus influencing what was the biggest hot takes on the Billboard Charts. Although the start of the 21st Century had some gems of Pop Songs there were also plenty of bad slimy songs that we are going to tackle here. (Disclaimer, this is just my personal list, Everything on here are my top 10 picks for the worst songs of the year 2000), Alright we are ready for takeoff, TIME TO COUNT DOWN!!!

Transition: Sometimes band names can be deceiving for example you didn’t think a band with a Christian sounding name like Lamb Of God would perform Heavy Meal did ya? Well newsflash, this next artist has a name that sounds like it would be a hard rock/metal band name, it is anything but heavy from the inside out however.

#10: Savage Garden “I Knew I Loved You”

It truly saddens me to know that an Artist with such a badass sounding name, (which would fit a Thrash Metal Band) such as Savage Garden. Is in reality an Australian Pop Duo who make such saccharine romantic love songs that literally sounds and tastes like diabetes to the ears. The songs instrumentation is very limp with minimalist drum machine percussion and very wispy ukulele sounding guitars that are sleep inducing. The sheer sappiness of the song is punctuated even more by Darren Hayes shrill, whiny voice which sounds like a dying eagle crying its final tears as it’s fighting for dear life. The song biggest problem itself is that is another very generic run of the mill, love at first sight ballad where the narrator declares that he basically wants to spend the rest of his life with you, before he even gets to even meet you for crying out loud!!! Im no expert in relationships but falling in love with someone you haven’t met/barely met is a likely ticket to be set up for and disappointment in the future. Its possible to find love at first sight in real life perhaps but I’ve never seen it happen, anyways this song is too boring and sappy to continue on with so Im done here, NEXT!!!

Transition: The year 2000 was a massive year for R&B mostly centered around relationships, while I am not opposed to diss tracks as long as they are done correctly (ex Destiny’s Child – Say My Name), there are always lines when a female can be so vindictive that they cross the line so far.

#9 Toni Braxton “He Wasn’t Man Enough”

The main problem is not necessarily the music for this next pick but after reading and studying the lyrics, multiple times I finally succumbed and decided to put it on my worst list. The problem here is not the actually pretty good percussion from the drum machine, or that Toni Braxton sings in an extremely low bass voice for a female. (One that makes the Pointer Sisters sound like a standard high register on a vocal palette), Its that Toni Braxton is so petulant, catty and bitchy that she has the audacity to brag at point blank range to another random woman, that she dumped her now husband simply because he wasn’t man enough.

“Did you know about us back then, Did you

know I dumped your Husband, Girlfriend“

Wow Toni, if you dumped him because he was a sleazy, or piece of shit human being that is one thing. But to deliberately stalk him and his now wife just to rub it in his face. maybe he’s just a sensitive guy who docent want too damn much demanded of him. The man literally begged to stay with you and you kick him to the curb. He clearly is over it, while you are too immature and blinded to see that remorselessly dissing you man to his new wife, is just rude on so many levels. This song is just too bitter and unlikeable for me to continue ranting here, NEXT!!!

Transition: Some artists start their music careers as children, and while many Hip Hop and R&B Stars aspire to try and be as successful as Child Stars such as Michael Jackson from a pre-pubescent age, some just don’t have the focus, message or substance to make it a long term career, case in point!!!

#8 Lil Bow Wow feat. Xscape “Bounce With Me

I know a lot of 2000s kids are going to be calling for my head to be put on a spike here, but I never cared for Lil Bow Wow his songs were generally trying way too hard in an overreaching manner with one of either two themes either “Im The Coolest” or “Ladies Always Want To Be With Me”. While pre-puberty Lil Bow Wow has a pretty good mid-tempo flow as a rapper, as the songs main redeeming quality. The problem here is that Jermaine Dupri’s production for this track is GOD FUCKING AWFUL!!! Maybe not DJ Mustard level of bad in modern terms, but it is still bland as hell with , limp DJ Scratches and percussion that sounds like Lincoln Logs banging against a board game box. The lyrics suck too and are just generic, flexing, macho posturing, thug life, city representing, and of course stealing ladies. Xscape’s hook is also forgettable and recycles the themes of dancing and chasing women in an urban setting. While Lil Bow Wow has somewhat of an excuse having been 13 at the time of the songs release. It dosent really hold much water considering that 80s Rappers such as LL Cool J, Rakim, Eric B, and Big Daddy Kane were putting out classics despite being in their teens/early 20s.

Transition: Before getting big and becoming megastars, some artists start their careers in rather unfamiliar places. And often enough of the time, it does not fit them well like a glove at all.

#7 Pink “Most Girls”

I was baffled probably as much as you were when I learned just around two Years ago, that Pink started here career not in Pop or Rock, but in R&B. Anyways Most Girls was not a great first impression to start with. The melody of the song is just a Wal-Mart, rehashed version of Christina Aguilera’s “Genie In a Bottle”. And the song is also not helped by its production which consists of very spacey synths, barely audible guitar Strongs and cheap percussion that won’t stop or refrain itself from overpowering the main melody in the rest of the music. The only real substance that you can truly tell that this is in fact a Pink song is from the over processed guitar strings that glide like a whipping wind against the limp melody of the chorus. Pink herself does not sound like she is on her A game either only showing spare bursts of her normal spunky energy, while most of the rest of the time she just tries to blend in with all of the other R&B artists around her, who have made songs about wanting the perfect man and how it is such a struggle. Overall this song just has a lack of identity and ambition, now you can see once Pink started turning up her energy on future songs like “Get This Party Started“, Just Like A Pill, So What, ETC. She became a lot more enjoyable as an artist.

Transiton: The 21st Century has produced some very catchy one hit wonders. Many of which are based around a very ear worming hook, while some songs such as Gnarls Barkley’s “Crazy” and PSY’s “Gangnam Style” are good with a whimsical hook and dance, other such as this next pick are just a crappy pile of noises on a sonic level.

#6 Eiffel 65 “Blue”

Good lord this so was so fucking inescapable for not only the year 2000 but for large swaths of the decade as well. As catchy as the hook seems I have always hated Eiffel 65’s Blue. The only redeeming quality of this song is the decent piano melody which takes up approximately 20 seconds of the total runtime, before It all goes to pot once the underwhelming synths begin to back up those keys for basically the remainder of song, and play in a rather cheesy, tacky and lacing in ambition type of manner. And the fact that the song is roughly 75% chorus, 25% Verse, with the singer of Eiffel 65 mumbling random jibberish after saying “Im Blue”, all with a shrill, wonky, irritating voice of someone who just woke up from anesthesia following a wisdom tooth surgery. Also the song also fails, as the singer should not be sounding so upbeat saying how everything is blue in a happy tone, (when in reality BLUE IS A SYNONYM FOR SAD)!!!! Overall this song is just much more annoying than unpleasant, and Im done here so on to the next one.

Transition: In addition to Pop, the Country Pop crossover genre was churning out many hit ballad singles such as Lee Ann Womack’s “I Hope You Dance”, Lonestar’s “Amazed” and so forth. Our next artist Faith Hill had the #1 song of 2000 with her crossover hit “Breathe”. While that song was ok, this next song of hers is clear as day, artificial, candy coated Pop Garbage.

#5 Faith Hill “The Way You Love Me”

I have never been a huge fan of Country Music, but even a clueless moron like someone like myself can tell between Good Country vs. Bad Country. And yeah this song falls into the latter category. The theme is just yet another love song between a man and a woman, the the tonality and flow of both the melody and Faith’s voice sounding like it should be used in either a Supermarket/Pharmacy commercial jingle. Faith Hill herself sounds horrible, just dipped like a popsicle in autotune, and reaches her lowest of lows on the bridge just after the line of “There’s Nowhere Else I’d Rather Be”, with.

“Drive’s Me Wiiiillllddd”

Jesus Christ Faith!!, you literally sound like a Robot with a feminine voice recording, glitching out in the middle of the recording and having a bad electrical short circuiting. And that is where I drew the line and put this song on the list. Overall this song is just bland, forgettable, and filled with annoying vocal effects. I mean Faith Hill seems like a decent person overall but I can’t understand how anyone or their mother can like this advertisement jingle junk.

P.S.(Its also a damn shame that her song Breathe, denied Santana feat Rob Thomas’s Smooth, which was much better and far more deserving, the #1 spot for the Billboard Hot 100, year end list)

Transition: Although I don’t normally put songs that hit like a hand grenade in the dumb category on my lists. But this next pick is so obviously idiotic, that I couldn’t resist.

#4 Sisqo “Thong Song”

This next pick was a pretty obvious one for one of the most hated songs of the first year of the new millennium. Im not opposed to all sex songs, but when a singer is too sleazy and non-charasmatic like here, this is where I draw the line. The song is just a stupid idea that might have given Nicki Minaj inspiration for her 2014 abomination “Anaconda”. The production is very lightweight, like you would find on a Caribbean Island Beach with the rim shot snare drum beats and white guy with acoustic guitar strings. The songwriting is extremely lazy and just repeats the words “thong” “Da NA Da Na” and “Baby Make Your Booty Go” over and over. Sisqo’s singing while trying to be sexual is even more out of place as he sounds out of breath and pants/gasps for air over and over during the bridge. The songs biggest problem is that it is just too off-tempo. It moves too slow to be a get down and party song, and it moves too fast to be a slow jam. Overall this song is just a total bore based off a crappy singer with platinum blonde hair and his obsession of girls just shaking their asses all day long. This guy loves thongs go much, I wonder if he has thongs plastered all over his body. Anyways Im done here, Let’s move on.

Transition:Much Rock and Roll that took place throughout the early 2000’s Was the Subgenres of Nu Metal and Post Grunge. Both of these genres have been widely panned and criticized by both Music Critics and Listeners Alike due to the fact that they can be stodgy and Formulaic. I personally differ, while some Nu Metal and Post Grunge acts obviously suck like this next pick, others I actually like pretty well. But yes we are covering an obviously bad Post Grunge Band Here, who deserve roughly 80-90% of the crap piled on top of them.

#3. Creed “With Arms Wide Open”

Yup, you guessed that right my number 3 pick is none other than good old Creed. Creed are widely regarded by many as one of the worst bands of all time (alongside, Nickelback, Limp Bizkit, Black Eyed Peas, Insane Clown Posse, etc). This bands reputation is surely not helped that frontman Scott Stapp is an absolutely atrocious singer. He literally sounds like a Pearl Jam/Eddie Vedder wannabe attempting to sing on a karaoke night at a bar after taking multiple shots of Crown Royale alcohol. His Mellow-dramatic acid to the throat voice is just pure shit, he tries so hard to hit the high notes to emote but sounds so off key. Every time he opens his mouth, it sounds like being branded with a 1000 degree iron right in the face. The instrumentals are just very droning and sludgy, with basic four chord, heavily distorted, guitar riffs, and quarter time thudding percussion. While it is personally nice for Scott to write a song about his newborn son, with an uplifting message, it ultimately falls flat to the floor with Stapp’s voice combined with the not so subtle Christian Undertones of creating life and so forth. The song is so boring and dour in sonic quality it would easily fit a funeral mass or church sermon like a rubber glove. Im done here, still two more songs to cover, NEXT!!!

Transition: The year of 2000 didn’t have a ton of really bad songs that were easy qualifiers without much effort. And I bet you wouldn’t think that this next pick could come from one of the top 5 all time best selling artists (based on record sales) to have ever lived. Well when something is both so bad and preachy simultaneously there was no way I was going to leave this one off the list.

#2. Madonna “Music”

Good lord this song is just a 10 car pileup of various noises jumbled together in one incoherent mess of a music piece. The first note should be enough to tell you that this is an unpleasant and bad song. First thing its those highly irritating high hat strokes that just won’t stop throughout the song, beeping synths that are enough to give an average music listener headaches after only a single minute, kazoo’s blowing like a geyser sky high during the bridge, and a bunch of incoherent jumbled electronic breakdowns that make absolutely no sense in a quarter time Pop Song. Madonnas Vocal range of Gb to D5 makes no sense for a song trying to be a party song that only goes at mid tempo speed, and the way that she shouts about how music makes people come together just hits a really weird note. While the intentions here are admirable the notion that only one artists music such as Madonna’s can unite people just really rubs me the wrong way, it just makes her sound very entitled to sing as if only her compositions can truly unite people. Overall the sound that Madonna is going for seems so dated like she is clearly trying to recreate the Disco Era of the 1970s 3 decades too late. We are almost at the finish line so, time to move on!!!

Transition: And Now before we hit the #1 Victor Pick, here are a few dishonorable mentions.

• Creed – “Higher”
• Lonestar – “Amazed”
• Destiny’s Child – “Jumpin Jumpin”
• Britney Spears – “Oops, I Did It Again”
• LFO – “Girl On TV”
• Pink – “There You Go”
• Filter – “Take A Picture”
• Jagged Edge – “He Cant Love U
• Montell Jordan – Get It On Tonite
• Westlife – Swear It Again

Transition: When I think about a bad song to rate as the worst, I tend to think of the song that is the least good. Several factors include, music, message, composition, lyrics, and so forth. The biggest factor is a combination of which song sounds the worst and wastes my time overall. And in the lead 2000 AD, I could only think of one song so bad, and dour that wasted all of my time.

And the Worst Song of 2000 Is??????

#1. Kid Rock “Only God Knows Why”

Kid Rock has always been one of those artists I have always greatly disliked and found to be bad from day one. Not only does he present himself as an unlikable douchebag, with his abrasive personality. He is just the personification of someone who is White Trash. For a song that is supposed to be about how being famous often sucks Kid Rock wrote this in 1997 following being jailed after a bar fight, with all the premonition that he was going to be a multi platinum selling musician. Its more forgivable if Kid Rock wrote this some 5-10 years into his career. I mean you are at the height of your fame, and you choose to pander the whole time with such a somber country ballad, all while singing in a slurred droning manner, that makes Post Malone sound intelligible in modern terms. the instrumentals are also forgettable with a basic sludgy four chord acoustic guitar riff, backed up by a 3 chord electric guitar loop and quarter time ride/snare drum beats that change very little throughout the whole song. The Autotune On Kid Rock’s voice is completely unnecessary, as it only makes his Layne Staley wannabe, droning voice even worse, combined with the fact that he is not using it to fix any vocal flaws, but to try and emote and connect with the audience he is singing to. The Autotune hits the lowest of its lows at the end of the chorus, where his voice fizzles into pure static noise that sounds like it would come out of a robotic voice recorder. This autotune coming from a male singing a country song, before the shit-storm of Bro-Country even exploded across the charts a decade later, makes my skin feel tingly. While yes being famous sucks, Kid Rock goes terribly off message, by reflecting on all the drugs he takes the laid back way he sings it makes it sound like he has no regrets. And finally when Kid Rock tries to use his upper register at the 3:30 mark of the 5 minute song, its already too late to fix all of this songs flaws. Overall this song is among the top 10 worst Country songs I have ever heard, its just a mumbling, pandering, jumbled and incoherent mess that sounds like musical vomit.

Conclusion: That concludes my first Worst list of the year 2000. Onward to 2001 and beyond, see you soon!!!