Intro: Following the shock of the Terrorist Attacks of September 11, 2001 (9/11) America was changed to the point of which we would never be the same again on any level. Although many American felt devastated and put through a living hell from that event, there was also a strong sense of both patriotism and optimism, as the music scene (mainly from the country genre captured peoples emotions of the aftermath of that day and the start of what would become Americas longest war. In terms of the music on the Hot 100 overall, I would say that 2002 is arguably the best year for Popular Music in the 2000s. The good stuff was pretty darn good and enjoyable to listen to. Then again although a majority of songs were good there were still quite a few bad songs to talk about, enough talk Time To Count Down!!!
Transition: To start off our list we are looking at songs that are one hit wonders. Many One Hit Wonders from the 2000s deal with cheating either from the narrator committing the act or the narrator being portrayed as the victim. Our number 10 pick is a shameless brag fest of the narrator basically stating that she couldn’t resist someone else and is proud to have cheated. Not a bad place to start when you are making a worst list right?
#10 Tweet “Oops (Oh My)”
Transition: Post Grunge was nearing its peak in the year of 2002. A whole flurry of acts such as Creed, Nickelback, Chevelle, Breaking Benjamin, Shinedown, Seether, Three Days Grace, and more would be blowing the rock charts up throughout the remainder of the decade. While I unlike many music critics don’t despise Post Grunge overall, there are just some acts I have to draw the line with. Case in point: despite their popularity, most critics including myself agree that Creed Sucks!!!!
#9 Creed “One Last Breath”
Transition: There was a lot of uplifting Pop and Adult Alternative Music to come out in the year of 2002. Understandably so in the aftermath of one of Americas darkest days on 9/11/01 many musicians were trying to lift peoples spirits up by crafting songs that were not only patriotic and jingoistic. Some artists have even imagined themselves as Superheroes who could fix everyones problems. Unfortunately that is not how life works, and when you have a song that sounds the opposite of what it’s intending to convey, for a year like 2002 it is an easy keeper for my list.
#8 Five For Fighting “Superman (It’s Not Easy)”
Transition: In a stark contrast to Popular R&B and Country Music throughout 2002 Many Rock and Post Grunge songs were very narrative based and usually revolved around a failed or dying relationship from the narrators point of view, or many other songs were just someone whining and moping about how they hate the world and need some lifeline and answer to save them. While not all songs based around the latter concept are outright bad, this one however feels like a total guilt trip, and is one of the many reasons this has to be covered here.
Intro: As we entered 2001 we stumbled upon both a New Year and a New President. Bill Clinton was turning over the keys of the White House to George W. Bush. As a new chapter beginning in the political world was concurrent with the Musical Dead Zone that was taking place in the Music World. As Napster and other peer to peer file sharing sites peaked in January of 2001, teens all across the country and the world were pirating all of the Hip Hop, Pop Punk, Nu Metal and TRL Musical Content that they could get their grubby fingers on. Meanwhile, The Billboard Charts were continuing to be dominated by Country Ballad’s, Low Profile R&B, Non Threatening Water Down Hip Hop, Over-Processed Rock N Roll, and Plenty of Upbeat, TRL Laced Pop Music. Billboard was heavily under the influence of the World Wide Web in terms of ranking songs. Even though there was some good in the 2001 batch, there were plenty of bad songs left to be covered here, alright enough talk Its Time To Count Down!!!
Transition: Many Pop Songs start their careers as children. As stated in the 2000 list, some like the Legendary Michael Jackson have been nothing but hit machines for the near entirety of their lives. Others such as Lil Bow Wow from my 2000 list, and of course Justin Bieber in 2009 tried to sing songs so far out of their depth that it his such a weird note. This next pick is no exception to the latter rule, as even though the artist in question was only 11 at the time, the song was so lazy unpleasant, and self absorbed its not a bad place to start ranting.
#10: Lil Romeo “My Baby”
This song is a rather obvious pick where most critics and listeners alike tend to scorn upon. Lil Romeo generally owns his career to nothing more than Nepotism. Being the son of Percy Miller (AKA Master P), Lil Romeo was handpicked to be the next big Hip Hop Song to come out of that genre. This song is unfortunately is biggest hit and is a mess, While Romeo himself dosent have the worst flow, the fact that this a shit blisteringly rip-off of a classic song. Also, the song is not helped one bit given the fact the Romeo’s bars are extremely flimsy like tissue paper, and the song contains some obscenely disturbing macho posturing and even pedophiliac content!!! From Posturing on how a grown woman wants to screw him despite being underage due to having “Game Like Kobe”. He also boats about drinking miller lite despite being 10 years under age, all in a pathetic attempt to get laid. Which is especially unsettling considering he wants this girl to sexually violate and rape him!! Overall this song is just too sleazy and ripoff and obviously awful which is why I put it at the bottom of the list, I’m done here, Next!!!
Transition:
The Noughties were a big time for Hip Hop Artists from all over the country to put their stuff on TRL and other countdowns just to gain recognition. Some Rappers like Eminem, 50 Cent, Nelly, Snoop Dogg, and 50 Cent had their careers flourish via this method. In addition there were also obviously bad Hip Hop Artists to emerge from this period, some like this next pick are too off key in tonality, flow, and lyrics that they are more deserving for a spot on this list. Folks, let me introduce you to a charming city thug fellow named Ja Rule!!!
#9: Ja Rule feat. Lil Mo and Vita “Put It On Me”
I really am suffering from writers block of thinking what to say about Ja Rule, off many crappy artists in the Hip Hop genre to emerge from the early 2000’s (Chingy, Lil Romeo, Mario, Fat Joe, Etc) Ja Rule was just the worst. He is just one of the worst Hip Hop Vocalists of the 2000s by far. I absolutely can’t stand is flatline belting vocal delivery that sounds like a constipated cow mooing and straining horribly. And His flow is very dopey and clown like that he would make a better harlequin than a multi platinum musician. Put it on me is another lazy, generic “Thugs Need Love Too” type of song where Ja Rule trumpets in a boatful manner about all the hot sex he gets. The Production is incoherent and Clunky with Xylophone Sounding Synths that just won’t shut up for 90% of the song, couple that with thudding percussion. You have a beat that is so erratic, off kilter and, annoying, it makes Will.I.Am’s infamous Black Eyed Peas Productions look like world class orchestras by comparison. While I find it admirable that Ja Rule is trying to write this as a tribute to his high school sweetheart who became his wife, it still dosent mitigate the irritating pile up of noises and the throaty vocals that bring this song down. Im done here, on to the next one.
Transition: In addition to the Pop Music Scene here in America, England has its own Pop Scene, where lots of British Artists try to make it big in America. Not every British Artist or Band can make it big in America like the megastars they are at home (T-Rex, Blur, Etc). This next ballad is from a One Hit Wonder here, but one of the biggest acts in the UK of the noughties. Overall, this ballad is so boring, edgeless and Bland that I couldn’t refuse it a spot on this list. Im done here, just hit it!!!
#8: S Club 7 “Never Had A Dream Come True”
Wow oh wow, is this song just a total and outright borefest. At a time when the British Pop Scene was turning in a boatload of slow, saccharine and often very bad ballads, none to hit the US from UK Shores could measure in total badness to S Club 7. This band is well known for making songs so obscenely kiddie (aimed at children and babies), that it makes songs featured on Barney, PBS Kids, and Nick Jr sound like Music for adults by comparison. The songs only redeeming quality is that the girl singing the lead vocals has a decent voice and seems to mean what she sings. Everything else around it is terrible, between twinkly production, weak drum beats, the swelling of vocals in every other stanza in both the verses/chorus, and the key change which rises and then drops like a stone going into the final chorus. For a band notable for being a TV-Y band, it just does not fit well at all to be writing a mature sounding relationship song about how you will always love a partner even after both people have moved on. Overall this song is so bland and boring like toast without the butter or plain cheerios, its so slow and tedious for a band trying to remake themselves in a mature image to take seriously. Anyhow lets move on.
Transition: If you have paid attention to popular sitcoms in the 2000s on Disney Channel, you may have come across the Cheetah Girls. To date this is Disney’s first and only attempt to manufacture a Pop Girl Group. I am not a Cheetah Girls fan from the couple of songs I’vs heard from them, but their music seems more passable then a lot of the Slop, Pop Crap Music of today. Any two future members of the aforementioned band, released a One Hit Wonder Relationship Based song, so annoying in Sonic Quality I could see why this next pick before Cheetah flamed out quickly after 2001.
#7: 3LW “No More (Baby I’ma Do Right)”
Im guessing many of you people don’t remember this song. Well 3LW (Short for 3 Little Women), was basically the resident Poor Man’s Destiny’s Child of 2001 without the charm or charisma of either Beyonce or Kelly Rowland. This songs only redeeming qualities are the Spanish sounding soft guitars and the premise of young teenage boys often being not treating their ladies with respect. Everything else here is just bad to the bone. The rest of the production around the guitars is wafer thin. In additionAutotune in this song is completely stupid as the women have extremely shrieked, high pitched voices capable of leaving cracks in car windshields, or glasses. The chorus just repeats the final word of each stanza such as “don’t, don’t” and “won’t, won’t” over and over that you feel like you’re in perpetual motion without even stopping for a moment!!! And these girls are way out of their depth trying to sing Adult Relationship Songs, especially with demanding needs, (such as threatening to dump him if he dosent get you a Kate Spade Handbag in Middle School), and squeaky vocals that are needlessly deep fried in grating autotune. Finally there is also an annoying rap bridge when one of the girls puts on an incredibly lame Left Eye Impression. Nothing else to say about this song, it can burn in the One Hit Wonder incinerator for all I care, Next!!!
Transition: The period between 1998-2004 was dominated by the rock sub-genres of Nu Metal and Post Grunge (the latter of which some critics describe as “Butt Rock”). Contrary to many critics I don’t hate all bands associated of these subgenres. As a massive Rock music fan, I enjoy Nu Metal acts such as Korn, Disturbed and old Linkin Park. While I also like Heavier Post Grunge acts such as Breaking Benjamin, Chevelle, Shinedown, and Adam Gontier era Three Days Grace. Then again there are some Post Grunge/Nu Metal who are so obviously awful in sonic quality and message, there was no way they were avoiding this list, case in point!!!
#6: Staind “It’s Been Awhile”
Staind are a band who stood out even among the most reviled and hated rock acts of the late 90s/early 00s, consisting of mopey, droning songs about, parental problems, relationship woes, or substance abuse, all with sludgy instrumentals and depressing sounding vocals. It’s been Awhile continues the classic Staind Tradition of sludgy, distorted 3 chord riffs, quarter time drum beats and heavy blocky distortion with enough fat to clog the respiration of most peoples circulatory systems. Aaron Lewis vocals sound awful as usual, on this song as if he’s singing a depressing country ballad in a wannabe Layne Staley voice. And he just mopes in a heavy woe is me fashion about how he has deadly messed up over and over, and how he is gonna screw things up once more if she takes him back. No fucking wonder she doesn’t want you around Aaron, if you keep saying detrimental things about yourself and your own self esteem. He even goes on saying that he misses the way that his girl tastes, which is just a rancid to no end, and just paints the narrator as even more of a pice of garbage ex-boyfriend. I have had enough of all this droning/moping in the song, time to move on!!!
Transition: Throughout the history of Popular Music, many Female Artists and Bands have often used love in a very feminine or sexual manner to make a statement about how much they are in love with you the listener or at least need love to satisfy their libido’s. This was especially true in the early 2000s when the charts were flooded with songs trumpeting female empowerment through a sexual or romantic magnifying glass. This next song makes the list due to being way off message and clunky for what these three girls are trying to promote, these women thus fail to be “Bootylicious“.
#5: Destiny’s Child “Bootylicious”
It definitely seems surprising that a song this infamously panned by so many critics and listeners alike is not even higher on the list. Well, myself and many others do in fact hate this song, but the only reason its number 5 here is the fact that I found 4 songs even worse. Alright now lets cut to the chase, The Song samples the guitar riff and melody Stevie Nicks 1982 classic “Edge Of Seventeen”, and is paired with an artillery shell tempo percussion nonstop beats that drive me and many others to sensory overload within less that 20 seconds into the song. This Song is nothing short of a total ego trip in which Beyonce, Kelly and Michelle all brag about their asses and how outright sexy they are. The Vocal Effects are very grating as the women especially Beyonce rocket up to their higher register in the end of each chorus when they say “My Body is too Bootylicious For You babe”, and “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly”, which adds even more annoying noises that sounds like the girls are sprinting on a treadmill while singing this. Finally when the ladies are calling themselves bootylicious they are unintentionally calling themselves fat and with a giant bum and an unattractive body, thus making it an insult backfire. In fact, these ladies claim that they invented the term Bootylicious, when in fact it was first used by Snoop himself in the Snoop Dogg and Dr Dre in the 1992 smash hit “Dre Day”. Overall this song is just an unpleasant boisterous ego coaster of a music piece, that makes my skin crawl every time I hear it. Are your ready For This, Next!!!
Transition: As we go through the year 2001 there were a lot of cheesy and bad ballads from Boy Bands and Girl Groups, clogging up the filler of the Billboard Hot 100. This next pick is yet another ballad from a Boy Band, that is so bland it feels like sitting through a funeral procession. Lets just start with this for size, NSYNC SUCKS!!!
#4: NSYNC “This I Promise You”
So you thought S Club 7 and “Never Had A Dream Come True” at my number 8 pick were bland and boring, if only!! The tempo of this song moves with the pace of a lethargic sloth, and is coated with so much saccharine sugary vibes comparable in nature to Savage Garden. I have never cared for NSYNC and, I have especially detested their ballad songs (God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You, I Drive Myself Crazy, Etc). The Instrumentation of extremely light strings, one chord guitars, and flimsy drums that make Easy Listening Music sound like Heavy metal by comparison. While the boys of NSYNC don’t have bad individual voices, the lyrics that they are given to sing and the way they harmonize while singing it puts it over the edge enough into bad territory. The five men of the band are all trying to promise you eternal love and happiness, all while being lazy and unfocused on what they want to provide for their ladies (ex. Diamond Rings, Marriage, Children, IDK). The Final chorus where JC Chasez tries his hardest to unleash his higher register to add more energy does not mitigate, the rather bland harmonizations from the other members that keep interrupting those vocals and the anemic pace of the song. For a song that promises eternal love all of the words and vocals sound shallow and hollow, and the members don’t sing with enough charisma and passion to be truly taken seriously. Overall this song is just like a pack of plain saltines, easy listening to the ears but no substance, energy or fire to have a lasting fanbase among many Pop Music Critics and Listeners alike, Im done here, lets move on.
Transition: Max Martin is one of the most successful Music Producers in recent memory. Coming from Sweden, Martin’s artists were provided with massive 18 wheeler sounds of audio production, that his artists would use for world domination. This man is almost single handily for vaulting Britney Spears, The Backstreet Boys, and NSYNC to monumental success between the late 90s and early 00s. If you were one of the biggest names in music, this is who you would go to for a hit. Then again not everyone was the biggest name in music, such as this One Hit Wonder Artist.
#3: Willa Ford feat. Royce da 5’9″ “I Wanna Be bad”
Remember this song anyone, well it was in fact a hit throughout the entirety of the spring and summer of 2001, reaching up to number 22 on the Hot 100. Hell even two years after its release in 2003 it was featured in films such as “What A Girl Wants“. Some female stars try their hardest in a successful manner to portray themselves as Bad Girls in order to get more airplay and sales. Willa Ford is, you guessed it one who fails miserably to get the message across that she is bad. The Production of the song is highly annoying and consists of thin drum machine percussion, weak strings, and horns that just jab you in the ears and get even more obnoxious every single second. The Vocals sound like a blatant knockoff of Britney Spears, and the melody shares similarities with NSYNC’s “Bye Bye Bye“, all with lyrics about being bad breaking rules, in a naughty relationship, that desperately beg for TRL to add it to one of their Top 10 Countdowns. Willa does not in any way sound to be seriously taken as a bad girl, as she sings in a clandestinely cutesy manner trying to sing about how sexy sex is. What really drives this song over the top is the obscenely grating and terrible autotune. Willa Ford’s vocals are so drenched in autotune acid, that she sounds like she is being painfully waterboarded while trying to sing this song. Hell, they even have Willa harmonize on the final chorus with the autotuned version of herself, making the vocals here extremely unpleasant. This song is just an off message, grating, and autotuned train wreck. Nothing more to say here, Im done, on to the #2 Pick!!!
Transition: When thinking about this next pick, I am in all honesty just as shocked as you that I didn’t put a song as horrendous as “I Wanna be Bad” even higher. Well here is why, Willa Ford basically faded into the backdrop of the sour taste of TRL Candy Dipped Autotune Pop Garbage. This next pick not only has bad autotune, but even lazier songwriting and surprisingly poor vocals coming from one of the most talented Pop/R&B Vocalists in history. Yes this next pick is from none other than Mariah Carey
#2: Mariah Carey feat. Cameo “Loverboy”
I have never been a Mariah Carey fan, but man oh man I was not expecting such a giant letdown from one of the most talented and critically acclaimed Pop/R&B Vocalists in the history of music. On a sonic palette it sounds like a 20 car-pileup accident horrendous noises that just sound wrong on every single level. Even though the song is very upfront and honest of what kind of vibe Mariah Carey is trying to put out (in this case infatuated and sexy). The rest of the song just sticks out terribly from the rest of her discography. Between the rapid fire breathy vocals just repeating words in the opening intro such as “I Wanna”, “I Need a”, “A Lover”, “A Loverboy” over and over. In addition, Mariah sounds really immature spelling out the words “K-I-S-S-I-N-G” like she’s 5 years old, to describe the head over heels infatuation with this male. The rest of the lyrics around the intro are just generic I need a man type, comparing her lover to sex and candy and sugar daddies, all while using a rather annoying and breathy delivery rather than the multiple octave belting range that Mariah is known for. The production is really annoying too, made of cheerleading, gang vocals, twinkly synths, percussion sounding like a rusty tin can, and hi hat strokes that sound like a piece of paper rubbing against a nail file. It’s also a damn shame that Cameo the same guys who made their awesome funk anthem, “Word Up” in 1986, make a guest appearance on this song, and despite trying to bring that same smash/slap style delivery just sound rather disinterested and deflated on this song, but have no precise harmonization with Mariah on this song. Overall this musical composition is just a poorly planned, disjointed and jumbled train wreck of sensory overload noises that most of us can live without, NEXT!!!
Transition: And Now lets get some Dishonorable Mentions out of the way before we get to our winning pick first!!!
Dishonorable Mentions
Blu Cantrell “Hit Em Up Style (Oops)”
Lonestar “Im Already There”
Destiny’s Child “Survivor”
Uncle Kracker “Follow Me”
Faith Hill “There You’ll Be”
Sugar Ray “When It’s Over”
Jennifer Lopez feat. Ja Rule “I’m Real”
Eden’s Crush “Get Over Yourself”
112 “Peaches And Cream”
Jessica Simpson “Irresistible”
Trick Daddy “I’m A Thug”
R. Kelly “I Wish”
Transition: We have reached the end, well almost. Looking back at the year that was 2001, just before the world changed forever as we knew it. While 2001 had its fair share of bad songs, there was only one song that was so devoid of anything good on any level (musical, lyrical, or sonic), that I knew from the start it would be my victor on the 2001 Worst lyrics. This song was clearly made by people who clearly have no idea what sound is or how to make a song sound good. I really despise the fact that this next group is called Dream because this whole musical composition is nothing short of a waking nightmare on every level. Now finally let’s finish this!!!
And The Worst Song of 2001 Is!!!!!
#1 Dream “He Loves U Not”
If there was one Band or Artist to emblematically symbolize the truly awful sounds of Noughties Pop that award goes to no other than Dream!! Girl Groups such as Dream are the product of when a talent scout selects four random white girls, packages them into a girl group managed overseen by P. Diddy and has them sing terrible music. The song shamelessly and lazily steals the melody from NSYNC’s “It’s Gonna Be Me”. In addition the production is absolutely rancid on every single level, with those extremely annoying tapping noises and beeping synthesizers that just wont shut the fuck up thought the entire song, which all sound like a series of lasers rapidly firing to a listeners brain and giving them a lobotomy. Couple that with percussion akin to the sound of garbage being crushed, drowned out guitars, game show jingling at the start of each chorus, and an extremely unusual chord structure of (C Minor, C Minor 7, A Flat Major 7 and F Major), there are just so many moving parts all of which just an insanely bad cluster of noises. All of these pieces of the song and its production just hum in and out of each other with absolutely no coherence or harmonization.
In addition to the horrendous music and production, the girls of Dream come across as totally unlikable jerks in this song, as they are mercilessly berating this one unnamed girl like a schoolyard bully. Basically trolling that girl by stating that no matter what she attempts she will never steal the man the four Dream Girls are splitting between them. While this idea was clearly inspired from Brandy/Monica’s 1998 duet “The Boy Is Mine”, the sheer bitchiness, cattiness and arrogance these girls are portraying, (which becomes amplified tenfold in a bridge that can’t really decide if it wants to go hard or soft.) This song has to be one of most unpleasant, awful and overall worst songs I have ever heard by a Girl Group in my life!!! It is just an irredeemable, ugly composition on a lyrical, message, and above all sonic level. This song is therefore my victor on the Worst Hit Songs of 2001!!! Time to turn the page, and head into 2002, See you all on the other side!!!
Intro: The Dawn of the new millennium has risen upon us and we are taking our first time machine trip back to the year when I first discovered a liking of music. The Music was largely unchanged from the music of 1999. Genres like Teen Pop, R&B, Hip Hop, Alt Rock, Adult Alternative, and Post Grunge rounded out the mix of what was easily accessible and frequently played on the radio. Meanwhile the start of the new millennium also showcased the powers of technology through file sharing websites such as Napster which was used by scores of teens to pirate and share various songs through downloading various songs off of the nifty little device called the World Wide Web. Millions of Teens across the USA and the Globe used Napster to pirate all of the Hip Hop, Post Grunge, Nu Metal and TRL Pop/R&B they could get their hands on, thus influencing what was the biggest hot takes on the Billboard Charts. Although the start of the 21st Century had some gems of Pop Songs there were also plenty of bad slimy songs that we are going to tackle here. (Disclaimer, this is just my personal list, Everything on here are my top 10 picks for the worst songs of the year 2000), Alright we are ready for takeoff, TIME TO COUNT DOWN!!!
Transition: Sometimes band names can be deceiving for example you didn’t think a band with a Christian sounding name like Lamb Of God would perform Heavy Meal did ya? Well newsflash, this next artist has a name that sounds like it would be a hard rock/metal band name, it is anything but heavy from the inside out however.
#10: Savage Garden “I Knew I Loved You”
It truly saddens me to know that an Artist with such a badass sounding name, (which would fit a Thrash Metal Band) such as Savage Garden. Is in reality an Australian Pop Duo who make such saccharine romantic love songs that literally sounds and tastes like diabetes to the ears. The songs instrumentation is very limp with minimalist drum machine percussion and very wispy ukulele sounding guitars that are sleep inducing. The sheer sappiness of the song is punctuated even more by Darren Hayes shrill, whiny voice which sounds like a dying eagle crying its final tears as it’s fighting for dear life. The song biggest problem itself is that is another very generic run of the mill, love at first sight ballad where the narrator declares that he basically wants to spend the rest of his life with you, before he even gets to even meet you for crying out loud!!! Im no expert in relationships but falling in love with someone you haven’t met/barely met is a likely ticket to be set up for and disappointment in the future. Its possible to find love at first sight in real life perhaps but I’ve never seen it happen, anyways this song is too boring and sappy to continue on with so Im done here, NEXT!!!
Transition: The year 2000 was a massive year for R&B mostly centered around relationships, while I am not opposed to diss tracks as long as they are done correctly (ex Destiny’s Child – Say My Name), there are always lines when a female can be so vindictive that they cross the line so far.
#9Toni Braxton “He Wasn’t Man Enough”
The main problem is not necessarily the music for this next pick but after reading and studying the lyrics, multiple times I finally succumbed and decided to put it on my worst list. The problem here is not the actually pretty good percussion from the drum machine, or that Toni Braxton sings in an extremely low bass voice for a female. (One that makes the Pointer Sisters sound like a standard high register on a vocal palette), Its that Toni Braxton is so petulant, catty and bitchy that she has the audacity to brag at point blank range to another random woman, that she dumped her now husband simply because he wasn’t man enough.
“Did you know about us back then, Did you
know I dumped your Husband, Girlfriend“
Wow Toni, if you dumped him because he was a sleazy, or piece of shit human being that is one thing. But to deliberately stalk him and his now wife just to rub it in his face. maybe he’s just a sensitive guy who docent want too damn much demanded of him. The man literally begged to stay with you and you kick him to the curb. He clearly is over it, while you are too immature and blinded to see that remorselessly dissing you man to his new wife, is just rude on so many levels. This song is just too bitter and unlikeable for me to continue ranting here, NEXT!!!
Transition: Some artists start their music careers as children, and while many Hip Hop and R&B Stars aspire to try and be as successful as Child Stars such as Michael Jackson from a pre-pubescent age, some just don’t have the focus, message or substance to make it a long term career, case in point!!!
#8Lil Bow Wow feat. Xscape “Bounce With Me
I know a lot of 2000s kids are going to be calling for my head to be put on a spike here, but I never cared for Lil Bow Wow his songs were generally trying way too hard in an overreaching manner with one of either two themes either “Im The Coolest” or “Ladies Always Want To Be With Me”. While pre-puberty Lil Bow Wow has a pretty good mid-tempo flow as a rapper, as the songs main redeeming quality. The problem here is that Jermaine Dupri’s production for this track is GOD FUCKING AWFUL!!! Maybe not DJ Mustard level of bad in modern terms, but it is still bland as hell with , limp DJ Scratches and percussion that sounds like Lincoln Logs banging against a board game box. The lyrics suck too and are just generic, flexing, macho posturing, thug life, city representing, and of course stealing ladies. Xscape’s hook is also forgettable and recycles the themes of dancing and chasing women in an urban setting. While Lil Bow Wow has somewhat of an excuse having been 13 at the time of the songs release. It dosent really hold much water considering that 80s Rappers such as LL Cool J, Rakim, Eric B, and Big Daddy Kane were putting out classics despite being in their teens/early 20s.
Transition: Before getting big and becoming megastars, some artists start their careers in rather unfamiliar places. And often enough of the time, it does not fit them well like a glove at all.
#7Pink “Most Girls”
I was baffled probably as much as you were when I learned just around two Years ago, that Pink started here career not in Pop or Rock, but in R&B. Anyways Most Girls was not a great first impression to start with. The melody of the song is just a Wal-Mart, rehashed version of Christina Aguilera’s “Genie In a Bottle”. And the song is also not helped by its production which consists of very spacey synths, barely audible guitar Strongs and cheap percussion that won’t stop or refrain itself from overpowering the main melody in the rest of the music. The only real substance that you can truly tell that this is in fact a Pink song is from the over processed guitar strings that glide like a whipping wind against the limp melody of the chorus. Pink herself does not sound like she is on her A game either only showing spare bursts of her normal spunky energy, while most of the rest of the time she just tries to blend in with all of the other R&B artists around her, who have made songs about wanting the perfect man and how it is such a struggle. Overall this song just has a lack of identity and ambition, now you can see once Pink started turning up her energy on future songs like “Get This Party Started“, Just Like A Pill, So What,ETC. She became a lot more enjoyable as an artist.
Transiton: The 21st Century has produced some very catchy one hit wonders. Many of which are based around a very ear worming hook, while some songs such as Gnarls Barkley’s “Crazy” and PSY’s “Gangnam Style” are good with a whimsical hook and dance, other such as this next pick are just a crappy pile of noises on a sonic level.
#6 Eiffel 65 “Blue”
Good lord this so was so fucking inescapable for not only the year 2000 but for large swaths of the decade as well. As catchy as the hook seems I have always hated Eiffel 65’s Blue. The only redeeming quality of this song is the decent piano melody which takes up approximately 20 seconds of the total runtime, before It all goes to pot once the underwhelming synths begin to back up those keys for basically the remainder of song, and play in a rather cheesy, tacky and lacing in ambition type of manner. And the fact that the song is roughly 75% chorus, 25% Verse, with the singer of Eiffel 65 mumbling random jibberish after saying “Im Blue”, all with a shrill, wonky, irritating voice of someone who just woke up from anesthesia following a wisdom tooth surgery. Also the song also fails, as the singer should not be sounding so upbeat saying how everything is blue in a happy tone, (when in reality BLUE IS A SYNONYM FOR SAD)!!!! Overall this song is just much more annoying than unpleasant, and Im done here so on to the next one.
Transition: In addition to Pop, the Country Pop crossover genre was churning out many hit ballad singles such as Lee Ann Womack’s “I Hope You Dance”, Lonestar’s “Amazed” and so forth. Our next artist Faith Hill had the #1 song of 2000 with her crossover hit “Breathe”. While that song was ok, this next song of hers is clear as day, artificial, candy coated Pop Garbage.
#5Faith Hill “The Way You Love Me”
I have never been a huge fan of Country Music, but even a clueless moron like someone like myself can tell between Good Country vs. Bad Country. And yeah this song falls into the latter category. The theme is just yet another love song between a man and a woman, the the tonality and flow of both the melody and Faith’s voice sounding like it should be used in either a Supermarket/Pharmacy commercial jingle. Faith Hill herself sounds horrible, just dipped like a popsicle in autotune, and reaches her lowest of lows on the bridge just after the line of “There’s Nowhere Else I’d Rather Be”, with.
“Drive’s Me Wiiiillllddd”
Jesus Christ Faith!!, you literally sound like a Robot with a feminine voice recording, glitching out in the middle of the recording and having a bad electrical short circuiting. And that is where I drew the line and put this song on the list. Overall this song is just bland, forgettable, and filled with annoying vocal effects. I mean Faith Hill seems like a decent person overall but I can’t understand how anyone or their mother can like this advertisement jingle junk.
P.S.(Its also a damn shame that her song Breathe, denied Santana feat Rob Thomas’s Smooth, which was much better and far more deserving, the #1 spot for the Billboard Hot 100, year end list)
Transition: Although I don’t normally put songs that hit like a hand grenade in the dumb category on my lists. But this next pick is so obviously idiotic, that I couldn’t resist.
#4 Sisqo “Thong Song”
This next pick was a pretty obvious one for one of the most hated songs of the first year of the new millennium. Im not opposed to all sex songs, but when a singer is too sleazy and non-charasmatic like here, this is where I draw the line. The song is just a stupid idea that might have given Nicki Minaj inspiration for her 2014 abomination “Anaconda”. The production is very lightweight, like you would find on a Caribbean Island Beach with the rim shot snare drum beats and white guy with acoustic guitar strings. The songwriting is extremely lazy and just repeats the words “thong” “Da NA Da Na” and “Baby Make Your Booty Go” over and over. Sisqo’s singing while trying to be sexual is even more out of place as he sounds out of breath and pants/gasps for air over and over during the bridge. The songs biggest problem is that it is just too off-tempo. It moves too slow to be a get down and party song, and it moves too fast to be a slow jam. Overall this song is just a total bore based off a crappy singer with platinum blonde hair and his obsession of girls just shaking their asses all day long. This guy loves thongs go much, I wonder if he has thongs plastered all over his body. Anyways Im done here, Let’s move on.
Transition:Much Rock and Roll that took place throughout the early 2000’s Was the Subgenres of Nu Metal and Post Grunge. Both of these genres have been widely panned and criticized by both Music Critics and Listeners Alike due to the fact that they can be stodgy and Formulaic. I personally differ, while some Nu Metal and Post Grunge acts obviously suck like this next pick, others I actually like pretty well. But yes we are covering an obviously bad Post Grunge Band Here, who deserve roughly 80-90% of the crap piled on top of them.
#3.Creed “With Arms Wide Open”
Yup, you guessed that right my number 3 pick is none other than good old Creed. Creed are widely regarded by many as one of the worst bands of all time (alongside, Nickelback, Limp Bizkit, Black Eyed Peas, Insane Clown Posse, etc). This bands reputation is surely not helped that frontman Scott Stapp is an absolutely atrocious singer. He literally sounds like a Pearl Jam/Eddie Vedder wannabe attempting to sing on a karaoke night at a bar after taking multiple shots of Crown Royale alcohol. His Mellow-dramatic acid to the throat voice is just pure shit, he tries so hard to hit the high notes to emote but sounds so off key. Every time he opens his mouth, it sounds like being branded with a 1000 degree iron right in the face. The instrumentals are just very droning and sludgy, with basic four chord, heavily distorted, guitar riffs, and quarter time thudding percussion. While it is personally nice for Scott to write a song about his newborn son, with an uplifting message, it ultimately falls flat to the floor with Stapp’s voice combined with the not so subtle Christian Undertones of creating life and so forth. The song is so boring and dour in sonic quality it would easily fit a funeral mass or church sermon like a rubber glove. Im done here, still two more songs to cover, NEXT!!!
Transition: The year of 2000 didn’t have a ton of really bad songs that were easy qualifiers without much effort. And I bet you wouldn’t think that this next pick could come from one of the top 5 all time best selling artists (based on record sales) to have ever lived. Well when something is both so bad and preachy simultaneously there was no way I was going to leave this one off the list.
#2. Madonna“Music”
Good lord this song is just a 10 car pileup of various noises jumbled together in one incoherent mess of a music piece. The first note should be enough to tell you that this is an unpleasant and bad song. First thing its those highly irritating high hat strokes that just won’t stop throughout the song, beeping synths that are enough to give an average music listener headaches after only a single minute, kazoo’s blowing like a geyser sky high during the bridge, and a bunch of incoherent jumbled electronic breakdowns that make absolutely no sense in a quarter time Pop Song. Madonnas Vocal range of Gb to D5 makes no sense for a song trying to be a party song that only goes at mid tempo speed, and the way that she shouts about how music makes people come together just hits a really weird note. While the intentions here are admirable the notion that only one artists music such as Madonna’s can unite people just really rubs me the wrong way, it just makes her sound very entitled to sing as if only her compositions can truly unite people. Overall the sound that Madonna is going for seems so dated like she is clearly trying to recreate the Disco Era of the 1970s 3 decades too late. We are almost at the finish line so, time to move on!!!
Transition: And Now before we hit the #1 Victor Pick, here are a few dishonorable mentions.
Creed – “Higher”
Lonestar – “Amazed”
Destiny’s Child – “Jumpin Jumpin”
Britney Spears – “Oops, I Did It Again”
LFO – “Girl On TV”
Pink – “There You Go”
Filter – “Take A Picture”
Jagged Edge – “He Cant Love U
Montell Jordan – Get It On Tonite
Westlife – Swear It Again
Transition: When I think about a bad song to rate as the worst, I tend to think of the song that is the least good. Several factors include, music, message, composition, lyrics, and so forth. The biggest factor is a combination of which song sounds the worst and wastes my time overall. And in the lead 2000 AD, I could only think of one song so bad, and dour that wasted all of my time.
And the Worst Song of 2000 Is??????
#1.Kid Rock “Only God Knows Why”
Kid Rock has always been one of those artists I have always greatly disliked and found to be bad from day one. Not only does he present himself as an unlikable douchebag, with his abrasive personality. He is just the personification of someone who is White Trash. For a song that is supposed to be about how being famous often sucks Kid Rock wrote this in 1997 following being jailed after a bar fight, with all the premonition that he was going to be a multi platinum selling musician. Its more forgivable if Kid Rock wrote this some 5-10 years into his career. I mean you are at the height of your fame, and you choose to pander the whole time with such a somber country ballad, all while singing in a slurred droning manner, that makes Post Malone sound intelligible in modern terms. the instrumentals are also forgettable with a basic sludgy four chord acoustic guitar riff, backed up by a 3 chord electric guitar loop and quarter time ride/snare drum beats that change very little throughout the whole song. The Autotune On Kid Rock’s voice is completely unnecessary, as it only makes his Layne Staley wannabe, droning voice even worse, combined with the fact that he is not using it to fix any vocal flaws, but to try and emote and connect with the audience he is singing to. The Autotune hits the lowest of its lows at the end of the chorus, where his voice fizzles into pure static noise that sounds like it would come out of a robotic voice recorder. This autotune coming from a male singing a country song, before the shit-storm of Bro-Country even exploded across the charts a decade later, makes my skin feel tingly. While yes being famous sucks, Kid Rock goes terribly off message, by reflecting on all the drugs he takes the laid back way he sings it makes it sound like he has no regrets. And finally when Kid Rock tries to use his upper register at the 3:30 mark of the 5 minute song, its already too late to fix all of this songs flaws. Overall this song is among the top 10 worst Country songs I have ever heard, its just a mumbling, pandering, jumbled and incoherent mess that sounds like musical vomit.
Conclusion: That concludes my first Worst list of the year 2000. Onward to 2001 and beyond, see you soon!!!
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