Intro: As we entered 2001 we stumbled upon both a New Year and a New President. Bill Clinton was turning over the keys of the White House to George W. Bush. As a new chapter beginning in the political world was concurrent with the Musical Dead Zone that was taking place in the Music World. As Napster and other peer to peer file sharing sites peaked in January of 2001, teens all across the country and the world were pirating all of the Hip Hop, Pop Punk, Nu Metal and TRL Musical Content that they could get their grubby fingers on. Meanwhile, The Billboard Charts were continuing to be dominated by Country Ballad’s, Low Profile R&B, Non Threatening Water Down Hip Hop, Over-Processed Rock N Roll, and Plenty of Upbeat, TRL Laced Pop Music. Billboard was heavily under the influence of the World Wide Web in terms of ranking songs. Even though there was some good in the 2001 batch, there were plenty of bad songs left to be covered here, alright enough talk Its Time To Count Down!!!
Transition: Many Pop Songs start their careers as children. As stated in the 2000 list, some like the Legendary Michael Jackson have been nothing but hit machines for the near entirety of their lives. Others such as Lil Bow Wow from my 2000 list, and of course Justin Bieber in 2009 tried to sing songs so far out of their depth that it his such a weird note. This next pick is no exception to the latter rule, as even though the artist in question was only 11 at the time, the song was so lazy unpleasant, and self absorbed its not a bad place to start ranting.
#10: Lil Romeo “My Baby”
This song is a rather obvious pick where most critics and listeners alike tend to scorn upon. Lil Romeo generally owns his career to nothing more than Nepotism. Being the son of Percy Miller (AKA Master P), Lil Romeo was handpicked to be the next big Hip Hop Song to come out of that genre. This song is unfortunately is biggest hit and is a mess, While Romeo himself dosent have the worst flow, the fact that this a shit blisteringly rip-off of a classic song. Also, the song is not helped one bit given the fact the Romeo’s bars are extremely flimsy like tissue paper, and the song contains some obscenely disturbing macho posturing and even pedophiliac content!!! From Posturing on how a grown woman wants to screw him despite being underage due to having “Game Like Kobe”. He also boats about drinking miller lite despite being 10 years under age, all in a pathetic attempt to get laid. Which is especially unsettling considering he wants this girl to sexually violate and rape him!! Overall this song is just too sleazy and ripoff and obviously awful which is why I put it at the bottom of the list, I’m done here, Next!!!
Transition:
The Noughties were a big time for Hip Hop Artists from all over the country to put their stuff on TRL and other countdowns just to gain recognition. Some Rappers like Eminem, 50 Cent, Nelly, Snoop Dogg, and 50 Cent had their careers flourish via this method. In addition there were also obviously bad Hip Hop Artists to emerge from this period, some like this next pick are too off key in tonality, flow, and lyrics that they are more deserving for a spot on this list. Folks, let me introduce you to a charming city thug fellow named Ja Rule!!!
#9: Ja Rule feat. Lil Mo and Vita “Put It On Me”
I really am suffering from writers block of thinking what to say about Ja Rule, off many crappy artists in the Hip Hop genre to emerge from the early 2000’s (Chingy, Lil Romeo, Mario, Fat Joe, Etc) Ja Rule was just the worst. He is just one of the worst Hip Hop Vocalists of the 2000s by far. I absolutely can’t stand is flatline belting vocal delivery that sounds like a constipated cow mooing and straining horribly. And His flow is very dopey and clown like that he would make a better harlequin than a multi platinum musician. Put it on me is another lazy, generic “Thugs Need Love Too” type of song where Ja Rule trumpets in a boatful manner about all the hot sex he gets. The Production is incoherent and Clunky with Xylophone Sounding Synths that just won’t shut up for 90% of the song, couple that with thudding percussion. You have a beat that is so erratic, off kilter and, annoying, it makes Will.I.Am’s infamous Black Eyed Peas Productions look like world class orchestras by comparison. While I find it admirable that Ja Rule is trying to write this as a tribute to his high school sweetheart who became his wife, it still dosent mitigate the irritating pile up of noises and the throaty vocals that bring this song down. Im done here, on to the next one.
Transition: In addition to the Pop Music Scene here in America, England has its own Pop Scene, where lots of British Artists try to make it big in America. Not every British Artist or Band can make it big in America like the megastars they are at home (T-Rex, Blur, Etc). This next ballad is from a One Hit Wonder here, but one of the biggest acts in the UK of the noughties. Overall, this ballad is so boring, edgeless and Bland that I couldn’t refuse it a spot on this list. Im done here, just hit it!!!
#8: S Club 7 “Never Had A Dream Come True”
Wow oh wow, is this song just a total and outright borefest. At a time when the British Pop Scene was turning in a boatload of slow, saccharine and often very bad ballads, none to hit the US from UK Shores could measure in total badness to S Club 7. This band is well known for making songs so obscenely kiddie (aimed at children and babies), that it makes songs featured on Barney, PBS Kids, and Nick Jr sound like Music for adults by comparison. The songs only redeeming quality is that the girl singing the lead vocals has a decent voice and seems to mean what she sings. Everything else around it is terrible, between twinkly production, weak drum beats, the swelling of vocals in every other stanza in both the verses/chorus, and the key change which rises and then drops like a stone going into the final chorus. For a band notable for being a TV-Y band, it just does not fit well at all to be writing a mature sounding relationship song about how you will always love a partner even after both people have moved on. Overall this song is so bland and boring like toast without the butter or plain cheerios, its so slow and tedious for a band trying to remake themselves in a mature image to take seriously. Anyhow lets move on.
Transition: If you have paid attention to popular sitcoms in the 2000s on Disney Channel, you may have come across the Cheetah Girls. To date this is Disney’s first and only attempt to manufacture a Pop Girl Group. I am not a Cheetah Girls fan from the couple of songs I’vs heard from them, but their music seems more passable then a lot of the Slop, Pop Crap Music of today. Any two future members of the aforementioned band, released a One Hit Wonder Relationship Based song, so annoying in Sonic Quality I could see why this next pick before Cheetah flamed out quickly after 2001.
#7: 3LW “No More (Baby I’ma Do Right)”
Im guessing many of you people don’t remember this song. Well 3LW (Short for 3 Little Women), was basically the resident Poor Man’s Destiny’s Child of 2001 without the charm or charisma of either Beyonce or Kelly Rowland. This songs only redeeming qualities are the Spanish sounding soft guitars and the premise of young teenage boys often being not treating their ladies with respect. Everything else here is just bad to the bone. The rest of the production around the guitars is wafer thin. In additionAutotune in this song is completely stupid as the women have extremely shrieked, high pitched voices capable of leaving cracks in car windshields, or glasses. The chorus just repeats the final word of each stanza such as “don’t, don’t” and “won’t, won’t” over and over that you feel like you’re in perpetual motion without even stopping for a moment!!! And these girls are way out of their depth trying to sing Adult Relationship Songs, especially with demanding needs, (such as threatening to dump him if he dosent get you a Kate Spade Handbag in Middle School), and squeaky vocals that are needlessly deep fried in grating autotune. Finally there is also an annoying rap bridge when one of the girls puts on an incredibly lame Left Eye Impression. Nothing else to say about this song, it can burn in the One Hit Wonder incinerator for all I care, Next!!!
Transition: The period between 1998-2004 was dominated by the rock sub-genres of Nu Metal and Post Grunge (the latter of which some critics describe as “Butt Rock”). Contrary to many critics I don’t hate all bands associated of these subgenres. As a massive Rock music fan, I enjoy Nu Metal acts such as Korn, Disturbed and old Linkin Park. While I also like Heavier Post Grunge acts such as Breaking Benjamin, Chevelle, Shinedown, and Adam Gontier era Three Days Grace. Then again there are some Post Grunge/Nu Metal who are so obviously awful in sonic quality and message, there was no way they were avoiding this list, case in point!!!
#6: Staind “It’s Been Awhile”
Staind are a band who stood out even among the most reviled and hated rock acts of the late 90s/early 00s, consisting of mopey, droning songs about, parental problems, relationship woes, or substance abuse, all with sludgy instrumentals and depressing sounding vocals. It’s been Awhile continues the classic Staind Tradition of sludgy, distorted 3 chord riffs, quarter time drum beats and heavy blocky distortion with enough fat to clog the respiration of most peoples circulatory systems. Aaron Lewis vocals sound awful as usual, on this song as if he’s singing a depressing country ballad in a wannabe Layne Staley voice. And he just mopes in a heavy woe is me fashion about how he has deadly messed up over and over, and how he is gonna screw things up once more if she takes him back. No fucking wonder she doesn’t want you around Aaron, if you keep saying detrimental things about yourself and your own self esteem. He even goes on saying that he misses the way that his girl tastes, which is just a rancid to no end, and just paints the narrator as even more of a pice of garbage ex-boyfriend. I have had enough of all this droning/moping in the song, time to move on!!!
Transition: Throughout the history of Popular Music, many Female Artists and Bands have often used love in a very feminine or sexual manner to make a statement about how much they are in love with you the listener or at least need love to satisfy their libido’s. This was especially true in the early 2000s when the charts were flooded with songs trumpeting female empowerment through a sexual or romantic magnifying glass. This next song makes the list due to being way off message and clunky for what these three girls are trying to promote, these women thus fail to be “Bootylicious“.
#5: Destiny’s Child “Bootylicious”
It definitely seems surprising that a song this infamously panned by so many critics and listeners alike is not even higher on the list. Well, myself and many others do in fact hate this song, but the only reason its number 5 here is the fact that I found 4 songs even worse. Alright now lets cut to the chase, The Song samples the guitar riff and melody Stevie Nicks 1982 classic “Edge Of Seventeen”, and is paired with an artillery shell tempo percussion nonstop beats that drive me and many others to sensory overload within less that 20 seconds into the song. This Song is nothing short of a total ego trip in which Beyonce, Kelly and Michelle all brag about their asses and how outright sexy they are. The Vocal Effects are very grating as the women especially Beyonce rocket up to their higher register in the end of each chorus when they say “My Body is too Bootylicious For You babe”, and “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly”, which adds even more annoying noises that sounds like the girls are sprinting on a treadmill while singing this. Finally when the ladies are calling themselves bootylicious they are unintentionally calling themselves fat and with a giant bum and an unattractive body, thus making it an insult backfire. In fact, these ladies claim that they invented the term Bootylicious, when in fact it was first used by Snoop himself in the Snoop Dogg and Dr Dre in the 1992 smash hit “Dre Day”. Overall this song is just an unpleasant boisterous ego coaster of a music piece, that makes my skin crawl every time I hear it. Are your ready For This, Next!!!
Transition: As we go through the year 2001 there were a lot of cheesy and bad ballads from Boy Bands and Girl Groups, clogging up the filler of the Billboard Hot 100. This next pick is yet another ballad from a Boy Band, that is so bland it feels like sitting through a funeral procession. Lets just start with this for size, NSYNC SUCKS!!!
#4: NSYNC “This I Promise You”
So you thought S Club 7 and “Never Had A Dream Come True” at my number 8 pick were bland and boring, if only!! The tempo of this song moves with the pace of a lethargic sloth, and is coated with so much saccharine sugary vibes comparable in nature to Savage Garden. I have never cared for NSYNC and, I have especially detested their ballad songs (God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You, I Drive Myself Crazy, Etc). The Instrumentation of extremely light strings, one chord guitars, and flimsy drums that make Easy Listening Music sound like Heavy metal by comparison. While the boys of NSYNC don’t have bad individual voices, the lyrics that they are given to sing and the way they harmonize while singing it puts it over the edge enough into bad territory. The five men of the band are all trying to promise you eternal love and happiness, all while being lazy and unfocused on what they want to provide for their ladies (ex. Diamond Rings, Marriage, Children, IDK). The Final chorus where JC Chasez tries his hardest to unleash his higher register to add more energy does not mitigate, the rather bland harmonizations from the other members that keep interrupting those vocals and the anemic pace of the song. For a song that promises eternal love all of the words and vocals sound shallow and hollow, and the members don’t sing with enough charisma and passion to be truly taken seriously. Overall this song is just like a pack of plain saltines, easy listening to the ears but no substance, energy or fire to have a lasting fanbase among many Pop Music Critics and Listeners alike, Im done here, lets move on.
Transition: Max Martin is one of the most successful Music Producers in recent memory. Coming from Sweden, Martin’s artists were provided with massive 18 wheeler sounds of audio production, that his artists would use for world domination. This man is almost single handily for vaulting Britney Spears, The Backstreet Boys, and NSYNC to monumental success between the late 90s and early 00s. If you were one of the biggest names in music, this is who you would go to for a hit. Then again not everyone was the biggest name in music, such as this One Hit Wonder Artist.
#3: Willa Ford feat. Royce da 5’9″ “I Wanna Be bad”
Remember this song anyone, well it was in fact a hit throughout the entirety of the spring and summer of 2001, reaching up to number 22 on the Hot 100. Hell even two years after its release in 2003 it was featured in films such as “What A Girl Wants“. Some female stars try their hardest in a successful manner to portray themselves as Bad Girls in order to get more airplay and sales. Willa Ford is, you guessed it one who fails miserably to get the message across that she is bad. The Production of the song is highly annoying and consists of thin drum machine percussion, weak strings, and horns that just jab you in the ears and get even more obnoxious every single second. The Vocals sound like a blatant knockoff of Britney Spears, and the melody shares similarities with NSYNC’s “Bye Bye Bye“, all with lyrics about being bad breaking rules, in a naughty relationship, that desperately beg for TRL to add it to one of their Top 10 Countdowns. Willa does not in any way sound to be seriously taken as a bad girl, as she sings in a clandestinely cutesy manner trying to sing about how sexy sex is. What really drives this song over the top is the obscenely grating and terrible autotune. Willa Ford’s vocals are so drenched in autotune acid, that she sounds like she is being painfully waterboarded while trying to sing this song. Hell, they even have Willa harmonize on the final chorus with the autotuned version of herself, making the vocals here extremely unpleasant. This song is just an off message, grating, and autotuned train wreck. Nothing more to say here, Im done, on to the #2 Pick!!!
Transition: When thinking about this next pick, I am in all honesty just as shocked as you that I didn’t put a song as horrendous as “I Wanna be Bad” even higher. Well here is why, Willa Ford basically faded into the backdrop of the sour taste of TRL Candy Dipped Autotune Pop Garbage. This next pick not only has bad autotune, but even lazier songwriting and surprisingly poor vocals coming from one of the most talented Pop/R&B Vocalists in history. Yes this next pick is from none other than Mariah Carey
#2: Mariah Carey feat. Cameo “Loverboy”
I have never been a Mariah Carey fan, but man oh man I was not expecting such a giant letdown from one of the most talented and critically acclaimed Pop/R&B Vocalists in the history of music. On a sonic palette it sounds like a 20 car-pileup accident horrendous noises that just sound wrong on every single level. Even though the song is very upfront and honest of what kind of vibe Mariah Carey is trying to put out (in this case infatuated and sexy). The rest of the song just sticks out terribly from the rest of her discography. Between the rapid fire breathy vocals just repeating words in the opening intro such as “I Wanna”, “I Need a”, “A Lover”, “A Loverboy” over and over. In addition, Mariah sounds really immature spelling out the words “K-I-S-S-I-N-G” like she’s 5 years old, to describe the head over heels infatuation with this male. The rest of the lyrics around the intro are just generic I need a man type, comparing her lover to sex and candy and sugar daddies, all while using a rather annoying and breathy delivery rather than the multiple octave belting range that Mariah is known for. The production is really annoying too, made of cheerleading, gang vocals, twinkly synths, percussion sounding like a rusty tin can, and hi hat strokes that sound like a piece of paper rubbing against a nail file. It’s also a damn shame that Cameo the same guys who made their awesome funk anthem, “Word Up” in 1986, make a guest appearance on this song, and despite trying to bring that same smash/slap style delivery just sound rather disinterested and deflated on this song, but have no precise harmonization with Mariah on this song. Overall this musical composition is just a poorly planned, disjointed and jumbled train wreck of sensory overload noises that most of us can live without, NEXT!!!
- Transition: And Now lets get some Dishonorable Mentions out of the way before we get to our winning pick first!!!
- Dishonorable Mentions
- Blu Cantrell “Hit Em Up Style (Oops)”
- Lonestar “Im Already There”
- Destiny’s Child “Survivor”
- Uncle Kracker “Follow Me”
- Faith Hill “There You’ll Be”
- Sugar Ray “When It’s Over”
- Jennifer Lopez feat. Ja Rule “I’m Real”
- Eden’s Crush “Get Over Yourself”
- 112 “Peaches And Cream”
- Jessica Simpson “Irresistible”
- Trick Daddy “I’m A Thug”
- R. Kelly “I Wish”
Transition: We have reached the end, well almost. Looking back at the year that was 2001, just before the world changed forever as we knew it. While 2001 had its fair share of bad songs, there was only one song that was so devoid of anything good on any level (musical, lyrical, or sonic), that I knew from the start it would be my victor on the 2001 Worst lyrics. This song was clearly made by people who clearly have no idea what sound is or how to make a song sound good. I really despise the fact that this next group is called Dream because this whole musical composition is nothing short of a waking nightmare on every level. Now finally let’s finish this!!!
And The Worst Song of 2001 Is!!!!!
#1 Dream “He Loves U Not”
If there was one Band or Artist to emblematically symbolize the truly awful sounds of Noughties Pop that award goes to no other than Dream!! Girl Groups such as Dream are the product of when a talent scout selects four random white girls, packages them into a girl group managed overseen by P. Diddy and has them sing terrible music. The song shamelessly and lazily steals the melody from NSYNC’s “It’s Gonna Be Me”. In addition the production is absolutely rancid on every single level, with those extremely annoying tapping noises and beeping synthesizers that just wont shut the fuck up thought the entire song, which all sound like a series of lasers rapidly firing to a listeners brain and giving them a lobotomy. Couple that with percussion akin to the sound of garbage being crushed, drowned out guitars, game show jingling at the start of each chorus, and an extremely unusual chord structure of (C Minor, C Minor 7, A Flat Major 7 and F Major), there are just so many moving parts all of which just an insanely bad cluster of noises. All of these pieces of the song and its production just hum in and out of each other with absolutely no coherence or harmonization.
In addition to the horrendous music and production, the girls of Dream come across as totally unlikable jerks in this song, as they are mercilessly berating this one unnamed girl like a schoolyard bully. Basically trolling that girl by stating that no matter what she attempts she will never steal the man the four Dream Girls are splitting between them. While this idea was clearly inspired from Brandy/Monica’s 1998 duet “The Boy Is Mine”, the sheer bitchiness, cattiness and arrogance these girls are portraying, (which becomes amplified tenfold in a bridge that can’t really decide if it wants to go hard or soft.) This song has to be one of most unpleasant, awful and overall worst songs I have ever heard by a Girl Group in my life!!! It is just an irredeemable, ugly composition on a lyrical, message, and above all sonic level. This song is therefore my victor on the Worst Hit Songs of 2001!!! Time to turn the page, and head into 2002, See you all on the other side!!!
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